Change of attitude

Three weeks of bed rest today...but who's counting, right?

Some thoughts:

*I hate bed rest.

*I'm sick of reading.

*This lap top is starting to get very hot on my lap.

*I'm tired of looking like crap every day because I'm too scared to stand in front of the mirror for any length of time because I may start bleeding bad again.

*I'm tired of bleeding. Can we say, "longest period EVER!"...any woman's worst nightmare!

*I'm tired of always complaining on my blog.

*I'm sick of watching my family live...and not being able to participate.

*I hate the fact that I have endured an entire Winter, and now that's it's absolutely beautiful outside I can't get out and really enjoy it...it's not fair!!! I feel like I'm being tortured!

*I hate not being able work in my garden.

*I hate watching everyone else work super hard around me, doing EVERYTHING while I just sit here and feel useless.

With all that said...I am so grateful for all the help I've received! Let an ornery woman complain please...this will be the last day of it, honest. (okay, I may have just crossed my fingers behind my back while I said that)

I was reading an article the other day about endurance. When we think of endurance, we usually think of working hard towards goal where we will ultimately find some kind of joy or happiness and the end. Like a running a marathon. Yeah, it will hurt and you'll most likely have moments of complete and utter misery...but crossing that finish line will be the sweetest feeling ever and totally worth all the pain.

But the article suggested that we need to find the joy on our way to accomplishing a particular goal. My goal is to have a healthy baby in December. Yes, this pregnancy is NOT going the way I would have liked. But these are the cards I was dealt...I have to accept that. STOP asking "Why me?". This is NOT about ME!! This is about my baby!

So, I'm not sure if I'm making any sense...I feel like I'm rambling. But, my point is I'm going to stop belly aching about my situation and find some joy in the every day. I can chose to sit here and be miserable and feel sorry for myself, or I can be thankful for the blessings I do have. I can cuddle with my girls on the couch (Morgan's favorite). I can read stories to them. I can brush their hair. I can gives them hugs and kisses before they run out the door. I can color with them. I can watch them play outside...and I can even sit on the porch and feel the sun on my skin.

See? It's not all bad, right?

So, no more depressing "woe is me" type posts! Okay...who am I kidding? Maybe fewer "woe is me" type posts...a girl needs to complain every now and then!

Back to bed rest.

I'm starting to feel sorry for myself...I hate doing that. It's weak, not to mention obnoxious...people don't want to hear other people whine...right? But I'm doing it anyway.

I thought I was in the clear, my ultrasound looked great last week showing drastic improvements. My bleeding even stopped. I had high hopes for this week. Yes, I had planned on still taking it easy, but that the fact I could starting living again, being a part of the family...not just on the sidelines was exciting!

Well, I'm back to bed rest today. Bleeding returned yesterday afternoon...I'm devastated. What does this mean?! I hate not having immediate answers! What did I do to bring this on again? Did I go up the stairs one too many times yesterday thinking I was all better? Was it from tripping on the computer cord over the weekend? I sneezed a few times yesterday...was it from that?! I kid you not...I'm questioning everything I did now! Every time I may have jostled my body a little too much I think, "Did that cause me to bleed again?". I am just one big basketcase!

Okay, enough whining. Enough of feeling sorry for myself. Time to focus on getting better...again. I NEED to protect this little one.

Goodness, it seems like I've been pregnant forever, and I'm not even 3 months yet!!

Happy Mother's Day

Haley made me a book for Mother's Day at school. In it, she answers different kinds of questions about mothers. It's the kind of book that can terrify a parent...I mean, who knows how they might answer a question. How are mothers different from fathers? Well, my mom is really mean but my dad is super nice. Okay, that wasn't her answer. But do you know what I mean? Luckily, all Haley's answers were really cute. In fact, her answer to the "How are mothers different than fathers?" question was, "My mom has a skirt and my dad has pants." Not bad. At least she didn't write it the other way around...boy, that would make our family seem weird.

Well anyway, one of her answers I particularly enjoyed.

The first question: What are Mothers for?

Her response: "Mothers are for more mothers because I will be a mom."

I loved it! I find it so fascinating that my six year old pieces all that together. Not that it's a terribly difficult concept, but come on, you would a think a six year might write something like, "Mothers are for making me cookies." or "Mothers are for taking me to the park." But she didn't.

Mothers learn from their mothers, and I'm so lucky to have my mom as such a wonderful example for me. I hope that I'll be that same example for my girls.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Haley's 5K

Yesterday Haley's school put on a 5K for all the students (1st-6th grade) and of course family and friends were welcome to do it too. I would have totally done it with her had I not been on bed rest. But luckily, the course went right by our house...twice! So my mom, Morgie, Piper and I all cheered her on from my front yard. And oh, what a lovely day!

I know she's kinda far away to see...but that's my Haley running on the other side of street dressed all in orange.

Little Morgie cheering her on!

Haley came in for a quick kiss and then she was off again!

Little Piper enjoying the sunshine.

These past couple of days have been wonderful...temps in the upper 70's! I'm trying to enjoy it while I have it...I hear another storm is on the way. Boo!

Good News!

Well, I spent the morning at the doctor's office and then I spent the afternoon at the hospital for another ultrasound...it was quite a day. But I'm happy to report that my subchorionic hemorrhage is nearly resolved! It shrunk so much that it was difficult for the tech to find it...yay! The baby's growth is looking very good as well! Talk about relief! The nurses say that because of my superior resting skills I was able to knock that thing out! Go me! At one point a nurse even poked her head into the waiting room to thank my mom for letting me rest so I could heal...she told her she's doing an awesome job! I would have to agree with that! Also, Ryan...what a guy...I think (wait, I KNOW) he's changed more poopy diapers these last two weeks than he has ever changed...EVER!

So, I've been told to stay on bed rest until the bleeding completely stops...hopefully just for a few more days. I hope, I hope!

But I tell ya, today has lifted my spirits...I needed that!

When too much reading is bad.

The Internet can be a wonderful thing...it's true. However, I just spent over an hour reading about other women's experiences with subchorionic hemorrhages during their pregnancies. Big mistake! I should have stopped reading after the first story about a woman who was diagnosed with a SBH early in her pregnancy and went on to deliver a healthy baby. Happy and sweet! But no...I kept reading. The more I read the more horror stories popped up. Women who lost their babies at 20 weeks or later!! Preterm delivery...placental abruption...septic shock?!! I could go on and on!

I am terrified now! Why did I do that to myself?

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm hoping for another ultrasound to check the status of everything. Perhaps he can also calm some of my fears.

I have high hopes...wish me luck.

Catching up on my reading.

So as you know (and I'm sure you're getting sick of hearing about it...but too bad) I'm on bed rest. Just for the record I believe this will be my final week...at least that's what I'm hoping for!

Anyway, one good thing about all this is that I get to do a lot of reading! And I've found myself reading tons of articles on the Power of Moms...seriously, I click from one to another to another and so on. Luckily, I have no obligations right now so time is not an issue (I should enjoy that, I will probably never be able to say that again!). I've done a post about the Power of Moms before and I have button on my sidebar to link through. I was just thinking I would refresh your minds with this great resource in honor of Mother's Day!

Some things they offer on The Power of Moms:

* Mind Organization for Moms. I've got to learn more about this one. If anyone needs to be more organized, it's me!

* Power of the Month May is "Intention".

* Learning Circles

* Bloom Game A fun way to stay motivated and accomplish our goals.

* Retreats and Workshops I would love to go to one some day!

And of course the articles...I love reading about everyday women who are going through similar experiences. As mothers we need that! It helps us not feel so alone when we're going through challenging periods in our lives.

Just a few articles that I've enjoyed:

* The Perfect Mom

* Bless this Mess

* They Really Do Grow Up!

* Love, The Hard Way


Enjoy!