Struggling

This week has not been a good one...it started out good...but it has slowly spiraled out of control.

This is one of those blog posts that I'm not sure how to write. So many things racing through my mind. Last night during Morgan's one hour melt down all I wanted to do was get in the car and drive...not sure where...but far from here. Yesterday I had a lot of moments of just not wanting to be a mom. I hate that feeling.

Haley got up this morning at 5:30. Ryan was the one who got up to try to get her to lay back down. I don't like when Ryan pops up before me. Then I lay there feeling guilty...I'm the mom...I'm supposed to get up with the kids. He doesn't care though...he doesn't look at it that way...he just wants to help...why do I feel so guilty. I have a fabulous husband who wants to help me!! It didn't work though...she still got up.

I enjoy the few minutes with Ryan before he leaves for work...with no children around us. I feel so jipped when Haley is up with us. I don't want to talk about ponies, unicorns, or what her stuffed cat Lucky is up to. I just want to be with Ryan for a few minutes alone! I want to tell him I'm struggling, I want to tell him to stay with me...don't leave me today...I'm hurting. Not that I actually would say those things. He has his own things to worry about at work. And it's not like he doesn't know that I'm struggling. I'm not one for being discreet about the way I feel in front of my family. If I'm upset, everyone knows it.

I know moms are entitled to bad days...we all have them. And if someone says they don't...well... I don't really want to know you...you are too perfect.