23 Weeks

December can't come soon enough...yes, that's right, you read that correctly. The sooner I am to have this baby the better.

I had my check-up this morning...all was routine until the discussion of my last ultrasound at 20 weeks...that's when reality set it, and a reminder that this pregnancy has been anything but routine! This mysterious tissue in my uterus basically can be one of two things. And I'm sorry, I know that I my non-medical language is not helping things. I refuse to try to look things up online because it just seems that I run across horror stories and I just don't need that right now. So, I'll do my best to remember what the doctor told me.

First, it could be a uterine band. A piece of tissue or membrane that stretches across the uterus. This is rare, but could cause potential problems with the baby getting a limb caught in it...not good, and this thought absolutely terrifies me.

Or it could just look like a uterine band at first, but it can actually be a separation of the sac. Apparently there are two layers of the sac and they come together as the pregnancy progresses. Yet, occasionally there is a separation. This actually wouldn't cause any threat to the baby...and if it has to be one or the other, this is the outcome I'm hoping for.

As the doctor was explaining these things to me I could feel my eyes starting to well up...I hate that. I hate losing it in front of people. Luckily, I held it together. But, he kept asking, "Are you going to be okay?". I said, yes...I lied.

Fact is...I'm so scared. This pregnancy has been been extremely challenging on me physically and emotionally.

The day I hold this baby in my arms for the first time will no doubt be one of the happiest in my life!!

I'm to go back to the perinatologist this Wednesday. I'll be praying for some good news.