Not Myself

I have been in a depressed state this week. Disconnected. Not myself.

My body is being weird, and I don't know why. I'm scared. Why am I still bleeding? (I know there is a line that people do not cross when it comes to personal things and their blog...I'm not sure where my line is. So I end up just writing about it regardless if people want to read about it or not.)

I took another pregnancy test, just to make sure..."Pregnant", right there in plain view. So what is happening? I want answers, and I want them now. I hate waiting around. Is this a sign...am I losing this pregnancy? Please no...I pray that I'm not.

I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything. I'm closing myself off...I always do that when I'm feeling down. I want to be alone. When I am around people I'm not a good listener...all I'm thinking about are my problems. I know, selfish. So I might as well stick to myself.

The nurse suggested I go get my progesterone levels tested. So that's what I'll be doing this afternoon. Next week, perhaps I'll have the results and hopefully some answers.

I don't like being down. I'm not a very good mother or wife...and that makes me feel terrible. I just want to lay in my bed with a book and be alone. I know that's not possible, life goes on. Bread needs to made today, laundry washed and folded, Haley picked up from school, dinner on the table, yadda, yadda. I'll do my best.

My sweet Piper is turning one tomorrow and my brain is far from party mode. I'll give myself today to wallow...but tomorrow will be a fun and special day to celebrate her! It may be a small affair, but it'll be memorable for sure! Oh, how we love our little Piper!