What do people see?

I've been thinking a lot about how I come across as a mom in public...or in my home for that matter.  When I'm out and about with my kids: at the playground, the grocery, church, where ever, do I come across as frustrated, impatient, tired, grumpy, short fused or irritated?  Now some days are just plain bad days, and that's just the way it is.  But on a whole...my everyday composure...what do people see and remember?

When I walk the kids home from school there is a corner of sidewalk that has a bunch of bushes in it.  One day long ago Haley and Morgan scootered ahead of me and hid in those bushes and then jumped out to "scare" me when I came close.  Piper has never forgotten that.  Pretty much EVERY day walking home she scooters ahead and hides in those bushes.  But she doesn't pop right out when I come...she pretends that she can't see me or that I can't see her.  I started to get annoyed when she did this because I would have to call for her to come out and I would have to wait a couple of minutes for her to get herself out of there.  But yesterday I was thinking..."Who cares."  Who cares if I have to wait two more minutes.  Why don't I have more fun with it..."Where's Piper??" kind of thing.  If someone was watching me out the window while I was standing on that corner, would I want them to see an annoyed mom yelling at her kid to come out...or the patient mom who used that moment to have a little fun with her two year old.  Because bottom line...their will be a day when she won't run and hide in those bushes anymore.

Or during Rory's birthday party when the older kids kept swarming around her to open her presents.  I was short tempered that evening and snapped a few times at Morgan.  Thinking back...why did I have to be so ornery...who cares if Morgan was ripping the present open too.  She was excited...that's all.

I often think, what if a camera crew was following me around all day...how would act?  Would I behave differently when I'm with my kids?  Would I have yelled as loud when they misbehaved?  Would I have continued tapping away on the computer when Haley or Morgan were talking to me or would I have stopped and gave them my full attention?  Would I have put that movie on for Piper to keep her entertained while I baked the cookies or would I have had her help me?  Would I have said "no, not right now" when Piper asked me to swing her or would I have said "yes" because I WANTED to do it, because again, I know that there will be a day that she won't run up to me and say, "Mommy, wing me!!"  (her way of saying swing me)

So, right now, right here I'm making a conscience effort to be more patient with my kids.  Give them more hugs and kisses throughout the day.  Tell them I love them more often.  Not get so irritated when they are just being kids, just being who they are.

When people see me in public I want them to remember me as a loving and patient parent.  I want people to know how truly rewarding children are and how much fun they can be.  I want them to know how much love I have for my girls.

Bad days will come...that I know.  But I want them to be very far and few.

I know I'm a good mom...I am.  But I also know that I can be better.