Almost there!

I had another check up today. So far so good. If all goes well, I'll be off bed rest on Thursday...oh, sweet relief...you're in sight! I hope my body doesn't let me down!

However, I'm to take it very slow. Easy tasks around the house and then every four days or so I can add a bit more to my day. I was trying to get exactly what I can, and cannot do out of my doctor: Walking? And how far? Lifting Piper? Pushing a stroller? Driving? Gardening? Going up and down stairs? Sex? I think I was driving my doctor crazy! Oh, how I want things back to normal!! Again, he just kept saying to take it SLOW...which I will.

Come on Thursday!

Snow Melt

The snow pack this year is just ridiculously high, and since the we've been getting an endless supply of rain this month the rivers are just busting at the banks. There have been flood warnings throughout Salt Lake City and other Northern Utah counties, however none for our county...yet that is. Our old house (our rental now) is right along the Provo river so needless to say we've been keeping a close watch on the river. Ryan was mowing the lawn at the old house the other day and took a few pictures while he was there. Never have we've seen it this high!

There are parts of the river that have already spilled over onto the path, and mini lakes have formed in peoples' yards. Yikes!

In other news, Piper came down with an ear infection this week. We got her set up with some antibiotics just to find out two days later that she is allergic to amoxicillin...lovely. But we shouldn't be surprised since my dad, Ryan's grandfather and sister are all allergic to penicillin. I guess someone is bound to be allergic with that kind of family history. So, since then we've treated her rash with some benedryll (which has made her a super sleeper) and hooked her up with a new antibiotic.

Summer break has begun, Morgan and Haley are done with school. However, I enrolled Haley in Summer school this year. Turns out her first grade teacher (whom I love) is teaching it, so when I heard that I didn't hesitate. This will giver her a little boost for when she starts second grade. Plus, she's pretty excited since her little crush is also enrolled. I know, who knew little girls would have a crush at this age!!

I'll end with a dream I had...because you know, pregnancy can bring out some crazy dreams, at least for me anyway!


I'm walking in a mall by myself (gasp, I know, unheard of) and who should approach me? Why Tom Cruise of all people all of sudden starts walking beside me.

Tom: You know, I'm not a big fan of red heads.

Me: Well, that's too bad. Red heads can be a lot of fun (wink wink). But that's okay, because I'm not fan of short guys.

Then, he continues to walk with me as I leave the mall and walk to the car. Ryan is waiting for me (he's driving my parents big red suburban, weird) and Tom Cruise, very casually gets in the car. He says he has strep throat and he needs a ride. In the car my brother's girlfriend, Jen, and another unidentified girl are already sitting in the backseat. Of course they scream out in delight when Tom Cruise gets in.

The end...I wake up.

Good news? Yes, please!

My doctor referred me to a perinatologist...he wanted a more thorough look at the bleeding and the possible scar tissue. Well, I'm already back and I'm very pleased with his outcome! First off, the hemorrhage is not visible, meaning my body is resolving it...the goal is to go two weeks without new red blood, if I can do that, I'm golden! So far, I have one week under my belt...one more to go people, one more to go! I can do it! I'm super nervous to move in fear I might trigger something and start bleeding again...I just don't want to start over!! So, I'm continuing to stay down...I've made it this far, one week is nothing, right?

As far as the weird tissue in my uterus, it is in fact scar tissue and the perinatologist did not seem at all worried about it. He said the baby will be fine, and will just grow around it. Whew! The baby looks healthy and is thriving. I'm so glad! That is just what I needed to hear!

And would anyone like to know what the sex is??? I know, I know, I thought it was too early to tell too! I mean am only a little over 12 weeks! But the baby just so happened to be in a very good position and the tech (although she did say she was not 100%) was pretty sure on the sex.

Drum roll please......

It's (we're pretty sure) a girl!

Lucky Ryan! Bring on the drama!

I have more to update...maybe later. Haley lost another tooth, Piper has a fever (going to the doctor today), changing of the guards (my mom had to go home last week and my mother-in-law flew in to take over...I know, I'm so blessed!), Summer is almost here (last day of school this week)...goodness so much going on.

Toothless Wonder

My Haley girl lost her very first tooth!

It was wiggly for several days until it finally fell out around 10:00 at night while she was laying in bed. (Don't ask why she was still up...who knows.) She's was a bit upset at first, she was afraid she would look silly. But we assured her that she was absolutely adorable, and she felt better. Being already 10:00 at night we convinced her that the tooth fairy probably already did her rounds that night and to put it under her pillow the next night...she went with it. So this morning she woke up with a gift from the fairy...$1.00!!!

She's a happy girl!

Every two weeks

So I've been going in to see my doctor every two weeks to monitor my condition. I've been feeling very frustrated and depressed about things and was hoping for some kind of miraculous recovery. Or maybe the doctor would tell me I didn't need to be on bed rest any more...ha. Well, I got neither unfortunately. It's hard because other women who have been diagnosed with subchorionic hemorrhages, some get bed rest, some don't...why? What's the difference? I think my doctor got a little annoyed by my questions. He says he doesn't know why some doctors do what they do...but, he says I need to stay down! He says, "Why take chances...a baby is on the line!". I know...he's absolutely right. But, hey, I was just curious! Don't get all uppity Mr.doctor man. Anyway, I'm frustrated...and I guess he gets frustrated because I keep asking the same questions. Maybe he thinks I'm doubting what he's telling me. I'm not. I'm staying down...I would not be able to stand it if something happened to this baby and it was because I didn't follow the doctors orders. The guilt from that would kill me.

So after the doctors appt. it was off to the hospital for another ultrasound. Let me just add here that my mom (with the kids in tow) drives me all around to my appointments. I was at the hospital for 3 hours!! Most of that was waiting around, we had no idea it was going to take that long! Thank goodness for the waiting room TV! The kids stayed entertained watching PBS kids shows.

So yeah, ultrasound. Apparently my uterus is a bit of a conundrum right now (they noticed something weird last visit, I just never mentioned it). The tech spent a great long time looking me over. And then after she looked me over, the radiologist (yes, the big man himself) came in to get a look as well. It's hard to explain, but there seems to be a split of some sort low in my uterus from the ultrasound. It looks as if there are two cavities, but then as she continues moving upward in forms one cavity. So, after laying there for what seemed like hours (completely panicked) the radiologist seems to think it's scar tissue left over from my c-section in 2oo6. They didn't notice when I was pregnant with Piper because my first ultrasound with her wasn't done until I was about 20 weeks or so. By then the baby is big enough to take up more space in the uterus and that scar tissue was pushed out of the way...I guess.

So now, not only are they monitoring my hemorrhage (which by the way is still there...damn) but they are also monitoring my whacked out uterus. I'm feeling pretty low.

But on a good note, I saw my baby. I saw it moving all around...kicking its little limbs. I heard the heartbeat. It brought tears to my eyes. As I laid there watching it on the screen, I just kept thinking, "I'm trying. I'm trying little one...hang it there...please! I love you."

Seeing my baby and hearing the heartbeat...that makes my day!

A few pictures to share.

Morgan made a little fairy cottage in our front flower bed. I thought she did a pretty good job accessorizing using random leaves. Even made use of the one single flower we have planted there.

I love how most babies hate touching grass on their bare skin, and all the ways they try to avoid it. Piper is no exception. She has resorted to the spider crawl to keep it off her knees.

I love it when babies crawl that way!

Yesterday, Haley found a full fledged four leaf clover! In our own backyard no less!

I was pretty impressed...I mean how often does that happen?!

We have since put it into a flower press for safe keeping.

I know, the picture is a little blurry...sorry.

The weather has been beautiful. Yesterday we had a thunderstorm blow through...oh, how I love the sound of cracking thunder! We've been doing a bit of grilling, and dining alfresco...it's been nice.

Change of attitude

Three weeks of bed rest today...but who's counting, right?

Some thoughts:

*I hate bed rest.

*I'm sick of reading.

*This lap top is starting to get very hot on my lap.

*I'm tired of looking like crap every day because I'm too scared to stand in front of the mirror for any length of time because I may start bleeding bad again.

*I'm tired of bleeding. Can we say, "longest period EVER!"...any woman's worst nightmare!

*I'm tired of always complaining on my blog.

*I'm sick of watching my family live...and not being able to participate.

*I hate the fact that I have endured an entire Winter, and now that's it's absolutely beautiful outside I can't get out and really enjoy it...it's not fair!!! I feel like I'm being tortured!

*I hate not being able work in my garden.

*I hate watching everyone else work super hard around me, doing EVERYTHING while I just sit here and feel useless.

With all that said...I am so grateful for all the help I've received! Let an ornery woman complain please...this will be the last day of it, honest. (okay, I may have just crossed my fingers behind my back while I said that)

I was reading an article the other day about endurance. When we think of endurance, we usually think of working hard towards goal where we will ultimately find some kind of joy or happiness and the end. Like a running a marathon. Yeah, it will hurt and you'll most likely have moments of complete and utter misery...but crossing that finish line will be the sweetest feeling ever and totally worth all the pain.

But the article suggested that we need to find the joy on our way to accomplishing a particular goal. My goal is to have a healthy baby in December. Yes, this pregnancy is NOT going the way I would have liked. But these are the cards I was dealt...I have to accept that. STOP asking "Why me?". This is NOT about ME!! This is about my baby!

So, I'm not sure if I'm making any sense...I feel like I'm rambling. But, my point is I'm going to stop belly aching about my situation and find some joy in the every day. I can chose to sit here and be miserable and feel sorry for myself, or I can be thankful for the blessings I do have. I can cuddle with my girls on the couch (Morgan's favorite). I can read stories to them. I can brush their hair. I can gives them hugs and kisses before they run out the door. I can color with them. I can watch them play outside...and I can even sit on the porch and feel the sun on my skin.

See? It's not all bad, right?

So, no more depressing "woe is me" type posts! Okay...who am I kidding? Maybe fewer "woe is me" type posts...a girl needs to complain every now and then!

Back to bed rest.

I'm starting to feel sorry for myself...I hate doing that. It's weak, not to mention obnoxious...people don't want to hear other people whine...right? But I'm doing it anyway.

I thought I was in the clear, my ultrasound looked great last week showing drastic improvements. My bleeding even stopped. I had high hopes for this week. Yes, I had planned on still taking it easy, but that the fact I could starting living again, being a part of the family...not just on the sidelines was exciting!

Well, I'm back to bed rest today. Bleeding returned yesterday afternoon...I'm devastated. What does this mean?! I hate not having immediate answers! What did I do to bring this on again? Did I go up the stairs one too many times yesterday thinking I was all better? Was it from tripping on the computer cord over the weekend? I sneezed a few times yesterday...was it from that?! I kid you not...I'm questioning everything I did now! Every time I may have jostled my body a little too much I think, "Did that cause me to bleed again?". I am just one big basketcase!

Okay, enough whining. Enough of feeling sorry for myself. Time to focus on getting better...again. I NEED to protect this little one.

Goodness, it seems like I've been pregnant forever, and I'm not even 3 months yet!!

Happy Mother's Day

Haley made me a book for Mother's Day at school. In it, she answers different kinds of questions about mothers. It's the kind of book that can terrify a parent...I mean, who knows how they might answer a question. How are mothers different from fathers? Well, my mom is really mean but my dad is super nice. Okay, that wasn't her answer. But do you know what I mean? Luckily, all Haley's answers were really cute. In fact, her answer to the "How are mothers different than fathers?" question was, "My mom has a skirt and my dad has pants." Not bad. At least she didn't write it the other way around...boy, that would make our family seem weird.

Well anyway, one of her answers I particularly enjoyed.

The first question: What are Mothers for?

Her response: "Mothers are for more mothers because I will be a mom."

I loved it! I find it so fascinating that my six year old pieces all that together. Not that it's a terribly difficult concept, but come on, you would a think a six year might write something like, "Mothers are for making me cookies." or "Mothers are for taking me to the park." But she didn't.

Mothers learn from their mothers, and I'm so lucky to have my mom as such a wonderful example for me. I hope that I'll be that same example for my girls.

Happy Mother's Day Mom!

Haley's 5K

Yesterday Haley's school put on a 5K for all the students (1st-6th grade) and of course family and friends were welcome to do it too. I would have totally done it with her had I not been on bed rest. But luckily, the course went right by our house...twice! So my mom, Morgie, Piper and I all cheered her on from my front yard. And oh, what a lovely day!

I know she's kinda far away to see...but that's my Haley running on the other side of street dressed all in orange.

Little Morgie cheering her on!

Haley came in for a quick kiss and then she was off again!

Little Piper enjoying the sunshine.

These past couple of days have been wonderful...temps in the upper 70's! I'm trying to enjoy it while I have it...I hear another storm is on the way. Boo!

Good News!

Well, I spent the morning at the doctor's office and then I spent the afternoon at the hospital for another ultrasound...it was quite a day. But I'm happy to report that my subchorionic hemorrhage is nearly resolved! It shrunk so much that it was difficult for the tech to find it...yay! The baby's growth is looking very good as well! Talk about relief! The nurses say that because of my superior resting skills I was able to knock that thing out! Go me! At one point a nurse even poked her head into the waiting room to thank my mom for letting me rest so I could heal...she told her she's doing an awesome job! I would have to agree with that! Also, Ryan...what a guy...I think (wait, I KNOW) he's changed more poopy diapers these last two weeks than he has ever changed...EVER!

So, I've been told to stay on bed rest until the bleeding completely stops...hopefully just for a few more days. I hope, I hope!

But I tell ya, today has lifted my spirits...I needed that!

When too much reading is bad.

The Internet can be a wonderful thing...it's true. However, I just spent over an hour reading about other women's experiences with subchorionic hemorrhages during their pregnancies. Big mistake! I should have stopped reading after the first story about a woman who was diagnosed with a SBH early in her pregnancy and went on to deliver a healthy baby. Happy and sweet! But no...I kept reading. The more I read the more horror stories popped up. Women who lost their babies at 20 weeks or later!! Preterm delivery...placental abruption...septic shock?!! I could go on and on!

I am terrified now! Why did I do that to myself?

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning, and I'm hoping for another ultrasound to check the status of everything. Perhaps he can also calm some of my fears.

I have high hopes...wish me luck.

Catching up on my reading.

So as you know (and I'm sure you're getting sick of hearing about it...but too bad) I'm on bed rest. Just for the record I believe this will be my final week...at least that's what I'm hoping for!

Anyway, one good thing about all this is that I get to do a lot of reading! And I've found myself reading tons of articles on the Power of Moms...seriously, I click from one to another to another and so on. Luckily, I have no obligations right now so time is not an issue (I should enjoy that, I will probably never be able to say that again!). I've done a post about the Power of Moms before and I have button on my sidebar to link through. I was just thinking I would refresh your minds with this great resource in honor of Mother's Day!

Some things they offer on The Power of Moms:

* Mind Organization for Moms. I've got to learn more about this one. If anyone needs to be more organized, it's me!

* Power of the Month May is "Intention".

* Learning Circles

* Bloom Game A fun way to stay motivated and accomplish our goals.

* Retreats and Workshops I would love to go to one some day!

And of course the articles...I love reading about everyday women who are going through similar experiences. As mothers we need that! It helps us not feel so alone when we're going through challenging periods in our lives.

Just a few articles that I've enjoyed:

* The Perfect Mom

* Bless this Mess

* They Really Do Grow Up!

* Love, The Hard Way


Enjoy!