Finding my Voice

Current events have been weighing heavily on me lately.

Not only do we have COVID still impacting our daily lives, but just recently a police officer in Minneapolis murdered a black man.  And I say murdered because that's exactly what happened.  George Floyd was apprehended because he was a suspect in an incident involving fraud.  He was cuffed laying on his stomach on the ground, and the officer kept his knee against Floyd's neck.  Floyd repeatedly said he could not breathe.  The officer kept his knee on Floyd's neck for a total of nine minutes...three of those minutes Floyd was not responding anymore...and he ultimately died.  This event has triggered protests, riots, and just more division in America.

This isn't anything new.  Recently an ex-police officer shot a black man while he was jogging.  A black woman was recently gunned down in her own home while she slept in her bed.  The officers shot from the street.  The stories go on and on.

Has humanity lost all compassion for one another?!

I feel as though the country has been divided since COVID started...people who take precautions and try to show respect to others, despite the struggle and sacrifice...and then those who fight back saying these rules are taking away their freedom and refuse to comply.  Calling masks "muzzles".

Every time I look at the media, it's just more sadness...bad news...frustrations...yelling...pointing fingers...hate.

I feel lost.
I need to use my voice...but I don't know how.
I want to help...but I'm not sure what to do.
I want people to know I care.

Every time these current events arise when talking to other people I feel tongue tied.  I'm not very good at defending my beliefs, or what I think is right.

A few years ago I made a lifestyle change by going vegan.  I felt empowered at the time...I felt I was doing something tangible that would benefit the world...through my actions I was making a stand against animal cruelty and climate change...and I was taking charge of my health!  I felt good and confident.

Shortly after I went vegan someone close to me took much of that confidence away.  Veganism wasn't something they agreed with and they let me know it in a mean and hurtful way...and continue to do so.  They put a label on me...they decided what all my political thoughts are...they decided what kind of parent I am...they decided everything about me without really asking or getting to know me...all because I'm vegan.

I feel like, since then, I've lost my voice...my confidence.

It becomes hard for me to articulate things I believe, in fear that someone will be quick to judge me.  Or I may offend someone.  Or I may not have all the information to back myself up and then look stupid.  I sometimes don't feel smart enough to engage in these controversial discussions.

However,
I do know that pointing fingers or trying to blame the other person isn't working.

We need compassion...we need kindness...we need to remember we are all equal.
We need to listen to each other.
We need to teach our children to love and not hate.
We need to be accepting of everyone.
We need to hug more (once it's safe to do so).

Simple as that.

So I guess I'll start there...I can't control anyone else...but I can control me.
I just don't know if it's enough.

Mother's Day Quarantine Style

We are at 8 weeks of quarantine so far.

Who would have ever imagined something like this during our lifetime.  Certainly not us.  But yet, here we are.

Yesterday was Mother's Day and although we're in the midst of a pandemic, it turned out to be one of the best days!

 I woke up and opened my door to find scattered hearts, complete with little messages!

 Morgan and Piper made me my favorite breakfast...French Toast with fresh berries!

It was perfection!

Last week Ryan and I ordered two paddle boards with our REI dividend money...this has turned out to be one of our best purchases ever!

The weather turned out to be pretty nice on Mother's Day so we decided to take out the paddle boards for their maiden voyage.  Keep in my mind, this is our first outing in a car for an outdoor activity.  We've done a fair share of bike rides, but we've always kept close to the house.  

I was a little nervous about going to what may be a crowded area.  But, luckily, we were pleasantly surprised, it was fairly quiet and we found a very open spot away from other groups.

We had so much fun!  And for the record, we have never gone swimming this early in the year!  This spring has been amazing!

But...unfortunately the crowds started getting bigger and our space began to dwindle and then my anxiety kicked into full gear!  People there were not following the 6 feet rule!  And, let me add that Utah County is a hot spot right now for Covid...so I'm especially on high alert!

We packed up and headed home...it was time anyway to get back for dinner.

Ryan cooked up some Beyond Burgers for dinner and Morgan made pizokies for dessert!  We made a couple extras and brought them over to my parents to eat dessert together.  This weekend has been the first time we've sat with my parents for a social visit.  I'm still a little nervous about it...we do not go in their house...we sit on the patio and it's hard not giving hugs.  

But my kids were so excited to be somewhere else for a change, and I'm thankful the weather was nice so that we could visit outside!

And I'm thankful I was able to visit with my mom on Mother's Day!

Although, it wouldn't have even been better if there were hugs involved.

Soon...hopefully.