Sofa Surfing...my life now.

It's been a week and two days since I've been put on bed rest. I think I'm close to losing my mind! I've become incredibly ornery and depressed lately. My day consists of waking up around 7-7:30 and coming down stairs...sit...and basically watch Ryan run all around getting the girls fed, dressed and out the door for school. I sometimes help them put shoes on or comb their hair and then I feel like I've somehow contributed. I eat breakfast...then sit some more. I usually spend my time reading (I finished The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and Soul Catcher so far) and tooling around online. I look forward to meals (is that sad). I sometimes help with folding clothes while chatting with my mom...she spends the days with us helping and then goes home when Ryan get finished with work and I'm so grateful! That's something else I enjoy...being with my mom everyday...I'm so lucky to have her here! Every dinner this week has been brought to us from women in our church...goodness, I'm so grateful for that too! It's actually kinda fun not knowing what we're eating...it's like a little surprise I get to look forward to everyday! And let me just say that there are some fantastic cooks in this neighborhood! So yeah, we eat dinner (usually the one meal that I actually eat at the table), and then I watch Ryan run all around getting the girls bathed and ready for bed. And if I don't fall asleep watching something on TV earlier, I go to bed at 10:00.

Yep, pretty dull.

I feel very disconnected with my family. I haven't held my Piper in over a week...I miss that. I look forward to rocking her again. I look forward to walking Haley to and from school...I miss seeing her run out of the building toward me while I wait for her by the playground. I miss baking with Morgan...my little sweet tooth. It's good to feel needed...and I just don't feel like I am. It's a crummy feeling.

And I know there are people who get put on bed rest for months! Who am I to complain? Perhaps I would get used to it? Nah...I hate it now, and I know I would hate it months from now!

BUT, I know there is a precious baby involved, my little bun in the oven, that I'm doing all this for. It's amazing how much love you can have for someone that you've never even met!

So, I'll keep chugging away...one day at a time.

Easter Pictures

(This picture should have been down further in the post...oops.)

I'm a little late with the Easter pictures...it seems like Easter was forever ago now. And what's my excuse, I mean, all I'm doing is sitting around...you would think I would be a little more on top of this stuff!

The night before Easter Jeff came over after the girls were asleep. (He comes over to watch Mad Men with us...yeah, Season 4, it's really good!) So anyway, he was all set to watch, but then I needed to get things ready for Easter morning! Prepare breakfast: I had to get the Monkey Bread all assembled, and I needed to get the girls' baskets filled and hide them somewhere for them to find in the morning. But you know...I'm limited in what I can do. Jeff jumped up, "Give me that recipe! I can do that!". So Ryan helped me get the baskets ready and Jeff worked in the kitchen making my monkey bread for the morning! What a guy! So I got everything done with their help and we still had time to watch Mad Men!

That night Haley got up at 2:30, 4:00, 4:30 and then finally up for the day at 6:00. That girl gets so excited about every holiday! Morgan on the other hand slept in til about 8:00. Very different, those two! So anyway, the girls got up and hunted for their baskets. After running around for literally 2 minutes looking for her basket...and low and behold it did not jump out in front of her, Haley threw herself to the floor in the depths of despair, "I'm never going to find it...NEVER!" Haley is just like her daddy, if the thing they're looking for isn't right there in front of their nose...that's it, they can't find it! (Although, Ryan doesn't throw himself to the floor, crying.) So after some coaxing (and a few hints) she found it in the laundry room cabinet. Morgan, doesn't get so upset...she's a little more patient and takes her time. She found hers in a kitchen cabinet.

Ryan made the breakfast...sausage and eggs and of course he baked the monkey bread. It was delicious!

Piper with her basket.

Haley, relieved she finally found it.

Morgan with hers. Don't ask about her jammies...not sure what's going on there.

Then later that afternoon my mom and dad hosted Easter dinner complete with an Easter egg hunt. Now, I know I'm on bed rest and all...but, Easter dinner is one of my favorite dinners of the year! So I swapped out my sweats for a skirt, and instead of sitting on my duff at my house, I sat on my duff at their house. And it's right down the street, it's not like I had to drive that far.
I'm glad I went, the meal was absolutely delicious!

Easter Egg hunt!

Cousin Jett.

Next year Piper you'll be out there!

Oh, and the girls' skirts and Piper's dress my mom made for them...aren't they so cute! Love them!

So that's that!

Bed Rest

The nurse called yesterday. She was reviewing my ultrasound and has now given me very strict orders to stay off my feet...bed rest. I have never had to do something like this. Sounds like a vacation, but it's so far from it. I'm not one to sit there and let everyone around me work, doing all MY chores! Especially when I feel capable...I look capable. It's not like I have a broken leg or something visual for people to see why I'm layed up.

Yesterday my mom took over everything. She had Morgan and Piper with her on all her errands...with my grocery list in hand. Thank goodness they are both pretty good when it comes to errands...Morgan especially is very patient. Well, other than her potty breaks. At one point my mom said she was in the produce area in Costco (which by the way is on the completely opposite end from the bathrooms) when Morgan said she had to go potty. My mom told her "Okay, just one minute, let me find some spinach real quick." Morgan's loud response, "FORGET THE SPINACH!!! I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM NOW!!!!!". I think she had a total of three bathroom stops during all the errands...can we say hydrated?!

Then mom made a delicious dinner last night for us...while I sat on my butt...and watched. Very hard for me. I want to get up and help so badly. But I am so thankful she's here, I'm not sure what we would have done without her. Ryan and her have gone over schedules to make sure someone is around at all times to help me with Piper.

I just know that the more I rest, the faster I'll heal. And that is what I want most of all. The goal is for this hemorrhage to heal before the baby gets bigger and more active causing a threat to the placenta tearing away from the uterus wall. That scares me. So bed rest it is.

Another Update

Well, I posted my previous pregnancy update a little too soon. After that day everything got a little worse. I thought for sure I was losing the baby on Saturday...but Sunday I was convinced I was still pregnant. So, I went in for another ultrasound Tuesday morning. This one was done in the hospital and was much more thorough! I think the first ultrasound tech should be fired, because bottom line...she sucks at her job! If I didn't need to pee so bad I would have asked more questions during it...but all was thinking about at the time was a toilet!

Anyway, this next time I did NOT fill my bladder as full...I don't care if that was breaking rules! There was NO WAY I was going to lay there that uncomfortable again! So, Tuesday's tech was much better. Turns out I in fact have a subchroionic hematoma. Moderately large they say. So, I feel better having an answer to why all the bleeding. But it's hard because I've been given strict orders to take it easy. No pushing anything (shopping carts, strollers, vacuum etc.), no lifting anything (this one is hard with a one year old), no frisky business (sorry Ryan) and basically staying off my feet as much as possible. It's hard when everyone around me is working so hard and I'm supposed lay low. My mom has really taken over quite a bit with picking up the girls from school, grocery shopping and such...I'm so lucky she's here! And of course Ryan has taken on more at home as well...this is hard for me since I know he already has so much on his plate! But my mom says, let people help...there is a little life involved. She's so right! My job is to do what I need to in order to protect this little life. Forget my pride...accept the help.

I was just thinking...I will have been pregnant two Easters in a row. Crazy.

Pregnancy Update

Just thought I'd do a quick update with my pregnancy. Everything looked great with my blood work, no problems there. They concluded that I am in fact knocked up. I also had an ultrasound done to check for any hematomas that may be causing me to bleed. Luckily, no hematoma was found...yay! However, the only thing I could think of while laying there was how badly I needed to pee (I had to do the pelvic prep...drink 32 oz of water an hour before the ultrasound)...talk about painful!! But, in the midst of my eyes turning yellow, I did hear my baby's heartbeat! It was a beautiful sound! I fell in love immediately!

So, luckily the tech was super duper fast with the ultrasound (she must have seen the pain in my eyes and the fact that I was walking weird...she said, "Don't worry I promise this won't take long...I'm really good, and I'm really fast!" And she was! I was out of there in under five minutes!

So there you have it, whether you wanted it or not!

Heavy Heart

My heart is breaking today. My cousin passed away in her sleep last night. I'm devastated...it came as an absolute shock. She leaves behind three children...I am just so heartbroken for them.

I haven't seen my cousin in several years, but I remember her as very sweet natured and loving. She had a great sense of humor and a very contagious laugh. Her smile could light up the room! She was a few years older than me and when we were young I was always fascinated by her hair (and her sisters'). It was the 80's when girls would curl their bangs and then put on about a ton of hairspray to make the bangs stand practically straight up. Well, I thought it was the coolest. One day they were visiting and she did my bangs that way...unfortunately she accidentally burned my forehead with the curler iron...but whatever, I had cool bangs like her! I also remember her and me as kids lip syncing to "Lollipop", dancing and singing into our hairbrushes on our fireplace hearth. We would also rummage through my grandma's old vintage clothes and gowns and dress up in them, and then have "tea parties" with all my grandma's tea sets she had around the house. We would pretend we were living in the 1800's chatting away in the living room. Oh, how silly our mock conversations would be!

I still can't believe she's gone. I'm just so heartbroken.

My thoughts and prayers are going out to my Arizona family right now.

Sarah...you will be missed.

Spring Break

This week is Spring break for the girls. Not too much planned...yesterday was a play at home day, today we'll hit up the library. I wish the weather was better. Yesterday was a sunny, but chilly day and today it looks as if it will rain...boo.

I've been taking it easy...my body is still having issues. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow. Well, actually I think it's the nurse, but hopefully my blood work comes back with some answers as to what is going on. Until then, I'll continue to take it easy. On a good note, I've been getting some awful waves of nausea every now and then...I take that as a good sign!

These are just some random pictures from last week.

We got the rototiller up and running!

Piper loves to put things on her head...sweaters, towels, what ever she can get her hands on. And then she crawls around, sometimes not even able to see where she's going. Funny girl.

Piper's Birthday Pictures

We celebrated Piper's birthday on Sunday evening with family...my parents, Jeff, Matt and Carrie, and of course little Jett. And I can't believe it, but not one picture of Jett came out good...he's a quick little guy always on the go! So, I'll have to make up for it next time I see him.

But anyway, it was a very nice evening. I made some homemade chicken noodle soup for dinner and some rainbow cake.

One of Piper's gifts from Grandma and Grandpa.

The girls scooted her all over the place, and Piper was loving it!

Opening presents.

New shoes!

Me with my girls!

I love this picture. We just finished blowing out the candle and you can already see Morgan reaching for it to lick the frosting off it. That's my little sweet tooth!

Piper surprised me...she was actually a very dainty eater with her birthday cake.

The boys hanging out. Grandma and Grandpa.

Uncle Matt and Aunt Carrie.

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to my sweet Piper!

Today you turn one!

Not Myself

I have been in a depressed state this week. Disconnected. Not myself.

My body is being weird, and I don't know why. I'm scared. Why am I still bleeding? (I know there is a line that people do not cross when it comes to personal things and their blog...I'm not sure where my line is. So I end up just writing about it regardless if people want to read about it or not.)

I took another pregnancy test, just to make sure..."Pregnant", right there in plain view. So what is happening? I want answers, and I want them now. I hate waiting around. Is this a sign...am I losing this pregnancy? Please no...I pray that I'm not.

I don't want to go anywhere, or do anything. I'm closing myself off...I always do that when I'm feeling down. I want to be alone. When I am around people I'm not a good listener...all I'm thinking about are my problems. I know, selfish. So I might as well stick to myself.

The nurse suggested I go get my progesterone levels tested. So that's what I'll be doing this afternoon. Next week, perhaps I'll have the results and hopefully some answers.

I don't like being down. I'm not a very good mother or wife...and that makes me feel terrible. I just want to lay in my bed with a book and be alone. I know that's not possible, life goes on. Bread needs to made today, laundry washed and folded, Haley picked up from school, dinner on the table, yadda, yadda. I'll do my best.

My sweet Piper is turning one tomorrow and my brain is far from party mode. I'll give myself today to wallow...but tomorrow will be a fun and special day to celebrate her! It may be a small affair, but it'll be memorable for sure! Oh, how we love our little Piper!

I'm not quite ready...

...but baby number 4 is on the way.

*Yes, I'm aware that Piper is not even one yet.

*And that I just stopped nursing two days ago. I was supposed to feel liberated...free as a bird...have my body back. (I guess that will take a backseat)

*I'm also aware that Ryan just quit his job (steady paycheck) to become self employed (which will be hard now...but much better in the long run).

*I'm also aware that we are losing our benefits starting in May, and we'll have to start paying for our own plan.

*And pretty much every health insurance plan comes with a separate maternity deductible of $7500...which basically means we pay for the entire pregnancy and birth. Can we say home birth?! Yes, please! Okay, not really...but that would save us some serious cashola!

*Money is very tight right now.

*I'm also aware that we don't have a vehicle big enough for a family of six at this point.

Yes, I'm scared...timing is really bad. Can you tell this was an "oops" pregnancy? Learn from me: take your pill everyday and don't use breastfeeding as a form of contraceptive.

But once I got over the initial shock of it all...I realized how much I love this little baby already. How protective I am of my body. I'm already a nervous wreck! Is it secure in there...did it latch on good? Did it find a good spot in there? Do you have enough nutrients? Do you know how much I love you?

I've been feeling a little on the funky side this past week (a bit of bleeding here and there...this has happened for every pregnancy I've had, but still scares me every time). I just hope and pray that it will be a healthy pregnancy.

So although bad timing...I do want this baby...so very much! We'll figure everything else out...we always do.

Ski Day!

Saturday turned out to be a wonderful day...low 70's!! I was cruising around outside barefoot and wearing short sleeves...just wonderful! We had an excellent dinner at my mom's house. Jeff's girlfriend was in town and my other brother, Andrew, and his girlfriend were in town too! So the entire family was together...good times.

And then, Sunday morning we woke up to this:

About 5-6 inches came down over night! That's Spring in Utah for ya! 70's one day, snow the next. But actually I kinda welcomed the snow since we were having a ski day! Yay! My mom and Nicole spent the day with the girls so Ryan and I could have a day of fun. Yes, we are very lucky!

We had Ryan and myself, Andrew, Jeff and Jen, Matt and my dad. We all piled in Jeffy's suburban (the skibum4) and headed up the mountain!

This is a few of us getting ready.

Lunch break. Lots and lots of fresh powder on back mountain. So much fun! The boys: Ryan, Matt, Andrew, Jeffy, and my Dad.

The girls: Me and Jen.

Don't we look cute in our matching hats?

And we didn't even plan that.

I was a little more tentative this time around. I'm not sure what was up with that, but it seems the older I get the more cautious I become. I was absolutely addicted to the run Bearclaw, and must have done it a gazillion times.

I had so much fun skiing with everyone...I'm glad I got a chance to get out at least once this year!

Monday Memory

I'm over at So Buttons today for her Monday Memories. Thanks Meg for letting me share a little piece of my past on your blog...what fun!

I may be back later today (or tomorrow) to update on my awesome ski day I had with my family over the weekend...good times!

Bloom baby bloom!

Our backyard is coming alive! It brings me so much joy seeing colors in my backyard other than brown. The grass is greener, blossoms have started popping on our apricot tree, and all sorts of little flowers are coming up!

My garden...well, I just don't know. I have three rows...peas, spinach, and lettuce...and it looks as if something may be starting to sprout...just not very quickly I guess. Maybe I'm a little impatient...perhaps I should relax and let nature take its course.

Today was unbelievably warm! I ended up walking to Haley's school and back again three times today! Go me...and Morgan, who scootered all those three. One more trip than usual because I went to enroll my little Morgie in Kindergarten! Oh my...how she is growing up!

After school we all walked to Grandma and Grandpa's for a little visit. All went well until the massive fit Morgan had when it was time to go home. What. was. up. with. that!! Quite embarrassing considering the entire neighborhood could hear her wailing. But, we made it home...eventually. Of course she had to make sure I knew she was still very upset for leaving...so she force-cried all the way home. Needless to say she spent some alone time in her room for that one.

So, now here we are...a beautiful evening. The girls are playing with our backyard neighbors on their tramp (have I mentioned how much I love the little door that separates our yards?) and Ryan is grilling up some burgers. Mmmm mmm! Life is good!