Every two weeks

So I've been going in to see my doctor every two weeks to monitor my condition. I've been feeling very frustrated and depressed about things and was hoping for some kind of miraculous recovery. Or maybe the doctor would tell me I didn't need to be on bed rest any more...ha. Well, I got neither unfortunately. It's hard because other women who have been diagnosed with subchorionic hemorrhages, some get bed rest, some don't...why? What's the difference? I think my doctor got a little annoyed by my questions. He says he doesn't know why some doctors do what they do...but, he says I need to stay down! He says, "Why take chances...a baby is on the line!". I know...he's absolutely right. But, hey, I was just curious! Don't get all uppity Mr.doctor man. Anyway, I'm frustrated...and I guess he gets frustrated because I keep asking the same questions. Maybe he thinks I'm doubting what he's telling me. I'm not. I'm staying down...I would not be able to stand it if something happened to this baby and it was because I didn't follow the doctors orders. The guilt from that would kill me.

So after the doctors appt. it was off to the hospital for another ultrasound. Let me just add here that my mom (with the kids in tow) drives me all around to my appointments. I was at the hospital for 3 hours!! Most of that was waiting around, we had no idea it was going to take that long! Thank goodness for the waiting room TV! The kids stayed entertained watching PBS kids shows.

So yeah, ultrasound. Apparently my uterus is a bit of a conundrum right now (they noticed something weird last visit, I just never mentioned it). The tech spent a great long time looking me over. And then after she looked me over, the radiologist (yes, the big man himself) came in to get a look as well. It's hard to explain, but there seems to be a split of some sort low in my uterus from the ultrasound. It looks as if there are two cavities, but then as she continues moving upward in forms one cavity. So, after laying there for what seemed like hours (completely panicked) the radiologist seems to think it's scar tissue left over from my c-section in 2oo6. They didn't notice when I was pregnant with Piper because my first ultrasound with her wasn't done until I was about 20 weeks or so. By then the baby is big enough to take up more space in the uterus and that scar tissue was pushed out of the way...I guess.

So now, not only are they monitoring my hemorrhage (which by the way is still there...damn) but they are also monitoring my whacked out uterus. I'm feeling pretty low.

But on a good note, I saw my baby. I saw it moving all around...kicking its little limbs. I heard the heartbeat. It brought tears to my eyes. As I laid there watching it on the screen, I just kept thinking, "I'm trying. I'm trying little one...hang it there...please! I love you."

Seeing my baby and hearing the heartbeat...that makes my day!